On living a life worth living.
I spent an unreal amount of time and effort trying to decipher happiness again, today. (Literally, a morning coaching call, followed by a 40-minute phone call, followed by a men's circle.)
Because lately for me, it seems to generally feel like there's something wrong. And it could be my brain being starved of its usual sources of easy dopamine.
I'm trying to spend less time on my phone (thanks, Social Dilemma), meditate more, and get flippin jacked - because the air is poison, going outside is something of a risk these days, and what else am I going to do?
But at the end of the day, it's like a bandaid over a bullet wound. Yes, these are healthy behaviors, but some deep part of me is not SATISFIED. Something hasn't been addressed.
What I'm left with, feels a bit like junk food cravings. Just one more hit of Youtube, porn, Netflix, Facebook, Tiktok - just one more glance at my analytics, my investments, the metrics that define my social worth - before I go to bed.
Which led me down this road...
*********************** If I've got cravings, then I'm not fulfilled. Not really. ***********************
Spending time with this thought is having me rediscover something that's core to who I am.
The reason why I love being in a relationship, is because I get to make a profound difference for the person I'm with ALL THE TIME.
And when I'm not doing that...
Unless I'm coaching...well, I have nowhere to put my energy. Not in the same, focused, 1-on-1 kind of way, where I get to see the impact I have.
It's the reason why buying a meal for a SPECIFIC homeless human is so much more gratifying than donating $50 to a charitable cause. I get to see the difference I'm making firsthand.
So what's left for me is a life of contribution.
It's not the only way, but for now, for this moment in time, it's my way.
Which is why I signed up to be a big brother today. Gotta pass an interview, but I'm stoked to be able to help guide a new mind as it begins to discover itself. Who am I? What is important to me? How do I react when it feels like people are against me?
Scared/excited. Can't wait to contribute.